Cardiac Arrest

Okay, so I've been having some issues with my blood pressure. Can't imagine why, since I'm so calm, cool, and collected in the face of Armageddon with Mr. Deciderer at the helm. And global warming. And recently relocating my business... while teaching a 12 week class... and mediating recent marital difficulties with Number One son and his lovely bride. Did I mention Christmas is like 2 and a half weeks away? Can't imagine why my BP decided to shoot for the moon, but I suddenly found myself listening to my pounding heart in my ears. Time to head to one of those fine American physicians that I get to choose for myownself.

So I go off to see the PA ($28 copay for the short visit,) who is aghast at the numbers on my very proactive little two week stat sheet and decides that yes, hallelujah, I am hypertensive and need medication. Shit. But wait there's more. She wants to rule out something other than "my magic hypertension gene has suddenly come to life" as a probable cause. So she writes up a referral to my friendly neighborhood vampire for a simple blood test. Cholesterol, fasting blood sugar and thyroid function to be exact.

I'm an obedient sort, so I head to the hospital first thing Monday morning to open a vein. Takes about 3 minutes from start to finish (I mean the one vial of blood thing, not the 45 minutes of check in and registration.) Less than a week later I get a tidy report that I'm perfectly healthy - except for the BP thing, of course. I'm popping my daily pill now and everything is going swimmingly until...

I have a heart attack when I get the f-ing bill.

So how much do you think simple lipids, blood sugar and thyroid tests cost? One vial of blood. Three minutes to stick me, probably another ten to add some chemicals and read the thing. We are not talking NUCLEAR MEDICINE here... we are not talking CUTTING EDGE TECHNOLOGY. We are talking $299. My very expensive, for the self employed, high deductible, catastrophic coverage pays less than half of that. $160 to tell me I'm perfectly fine.

The kicker - and reason that I'm ranting - is this. The very same hospital offers two of those three tests for $50 AND throws in an EKG and calls it a "heart health screening." So when you hear someone ranting about frivolous lawsuits and how trial lawyers are the reason our health insurance rates are so spectacular, consider what those delightful, of our own choosing, health care providers are CHARGING those insurance companies. And be afraid.

Good thing I'm so healthy, since my plan is going up 33% in January.